Episode 16 - Why Change is So Difficult
Nov 14, 2019
Change and growth may be one of the things that we are most fearful of in life. Going through it is hard, uncomfortable and requires so much effort. But I totally believe that you can do it… anyone can do it. I know because I’ve been through this too. It takes a lot of courage and overcoming our fears.
In this episode, I’m going to be talking about mindset, overcoming the fear of change, and why change and growth are so difficult in the hopes that it will help you or someone you know if you are going through this phase in your life.
Before I start the episode I just want to let you know that instead of launching my 6-week course “Happy Momma, Happy Child” in December, I will be launching a workshop course where you can get to know me better as a coach and teacher to see if we’re a good fit. We’ll dive into the topic of momma guilt in one day, cover a lot in a few hours and give you live coaching with me. This will be launching on the 2nd of December. You can head over to mamashrink.com to sign up for my email list to get my free ebook, be the first to know about the course release, and receive a special discount for early birds who want to register.
- [06:43] We have an inner thermostat that has been set in us very early in our lives with how content we feel with being happy and at peace. A lot of us have grown up where that was not our norm. So to now be in that place is very, very difficult.
- [07:21] Growing and changing is very hard, uncomfortable and requires a lot of effort which is why a lot of people do not change their lives.
- [08:50] You can choose the life of easy or choose the life of growth or change. It’s a personal choice which you need to decide on.
- [09:54] If you find yourself seeking out support, help or therapy that means you want that change and that is the first step to growth.
- [11:40] I believe everyone has it in them to change no matter what circumstances they’ve come through. We all have a choice in life.
- [12:00] Fear is the biggest thing that keeps us from growing and changing. Even things that can be good change can create fear because it’s not in our comfort zone. We have to recognize that it’s okay to feel good and happy.
- [21:57] “Where attention goes, energy flows.” If you are focused on that, you will probably find things in your life to confirm that to be true. If you change that thinking and commit to feeling good, growth, and happiness there’s going to be fear and anxiety but why not enjoy it?
- [24:00] If you only want to do what’s easy in life, that’s fine but don’t expect to grow, don’t expect relationships to get better or things to improve. Once you grow and move through the discomfort, life will be much easier. You can’t grow without feeling uncomfortable. It’s impossible.
- [25:55] If you want to stay comfortable and don’t want to grow and change, what happens is we do self-destructive things like overeating, overdrinking, surrounding ourselves with negativity, gambling, and many more. The feeling of not being uncomfortable can kill us, literally.
- [27:25] Sometimes, the fear to change is so strong that people can’t overcome it. This is very real and we have to be gentle with ourselves and others who are fearful of this and focus on knowing that everytime someone is scared to grow, behind it is that fear - the fear of the unknown, the uncomfortable, the what if.
- [28:18] Every day we have a choice whether we want to experience growth and change or stay in our comfort zone. When you are dealing with telling yourself “I can’t,” instead of saying that, replace it with saying “I don’t want to” or “I won’t” or “I’m choosing not ” When you start to frame it in a choice, it feels more like a choice and gives you an opportunity to start to consider growth.
- [29:25] Here are some ways to overcome these self-sabotaging actions and belief system: acknowledge that you’re having the thought, forgive that thought / behavior and say “cancel”, replace it with a new thought, start to know your upper limit triggers.
- [34:00] This all comes down to our thought process, our beliefs, our brain. This is all dealing with our mind and mental structure. Once we can master changing the way we think and behave, everything in our life changes. It all comes back to mental mindset shifting.