Episode 14- How To Become More Assertive
Oct 31, 2019
Assertiveness is a challenge for a lot of people including myself. Over the years, I have gotten much better with being assertive but I am still a work in progress.
So many women struggle and worry about appearing mean or nasty if they attempt to be assertive. My goal for this episode is to make you realize that if we do not become assertive, we may end up hurting ourselves in the long-run. So being assertive is really important in our lives and in our relationships with others.
Before I start the episode, I want to share that my new Ebook “Ending Mama Guilt: How to Find Happiness, Set Boundaries, and Engage in Self-Care without Guilt” is now available for free. Head on over to www.mamashrink.com to grab your copy now. If you know someone else that could benefit from this book, please feel free to share the link with them.
- [3:48] Assertiveness is a means of self-care that involves communicating honestly with yourself and with other people in a way that takes into account your rights and their rights.
- [4:24] Assertiveness means taking care of ourselves while doing it in a way that is not mean to yourself or someone else.
- [5:20] Assertiveness is not mean, it’s a way to be seen and heard, and it takes practice.
- [6:43] When were not assertive we can become sad, angry, depressed, frustrated, and/or anxious because we feel our needs are not being met. People don’t always know what we need and it is our responsibility to let them know.
- We may end up feeling like a victim to our circumstances, like no one understands or gets us. Being assertive is essential in healthy relationships and to our physical health.
- [08:36] Becoming assertive will take some practice and it may initially very difficult to do, especially if you are a people pleaser. People around us might not be happy when we start to become assertive because they want things to stay the same. People you will feel the most resistance are those energy vampires in our lives.
- [15:40] The opposite of being assertive is being passive, passive-aggressive and aggressive. Most people fall into the passive-aggressive state.
- [16:11] Being passive is completely not sticking up for yourself. You just say yes to everything, you are a complete people pleaser, and you do everything someone asks you to do. Sometimes you end up completely burnt out and resentful with no self-worth.
- [19:17] The aggressive person usually acts out in a hostile fashion without any regard for others, sometimes resorting to verbal or physical attacks and mental manipulation. It is usually the result of stored up anger or not speaking up or being raised in a home with aggressive parents. If you find yourself in an aggressive relationship, do whatever you can to get out of it.
- [24:11] Passive-Aggressive is where you are afraid of speaking up or don’t know how. It can feel scary if we don’t want to speak our mind or don’t want someone to be mad at us. There are so many examples of being passive-aggressive and I give you concrete examples on how to become more assertive during these situations.
- [38:29] Assertiveness is getting in touch with yourself, bodily reactions, feelings, your truth and expressing it in a positive way. You can take adult “time outs” before you say anything especially when experiencing emotionally charged feelings.
- [43:10] Remember, being assertive will begin to feel good to you over time because you are expressing what you need, you are taking their rights into account, and doing it in a kind and compassionate way. However, this does not always mean the person on the receiving end is going to do what you want them to do. You have to be okay when you disappoint other people.
- [44:58] I give you examples of differences of passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive and assertive responses in common life situations.
- [47:21] There’s lots of reasons for people not wanting to speak up, including fear. Stay away from energy vampires and professional victims. Be with people who can accept your truth.