Episode 12 - Overcoming Mommy Guilt
Oct 17, 2019
The dreaded mommy guilt is so prevalent, difficult, and happens to all us moms. Being a mom isn’t an easy job, having a job while being a mom is twice the heartache. I hope this episode helps you to alleviate your mama guilt by helping you realize that you don’t need to feel guilty for wanting or needing to do what we need to do in order to take care of our children and ourselves.
Guilt doesn’t serve us and it’s very hard for us to cope with it. I have experienced mommy guilt myself many times. I’m going to be sharing with you some of the things I’ve done to alleviate my own guilt, while sharing my professional knowledge in this area.
- [03:23] When we talk about mom-guilt, we feel inferior or not good enough. Professional women experience this a lot after having a child and needing to return to work.
- [05:44] Moms should start supporting each other, stop feeling guilty, stop comparing yourself to others, and stop judging each other. It doesn’t make us a bad mom if we want to do things outside of parenting our children.
- [11:19] It’s okay to do other things than being a mom. Don’t feel that there’s something wrong with you if you want to do other things in your life too.
- [14:00] Mommy guilt can lead to depression, anxiety, anger, negative thoughts, beating yourself up, comparing yourself to others. When this happens it can cause you to overwork, overeat, or self-medicate with alcohol or food.
- [16:12] As moms we have the need for perfectionism. But it just doesn’t exist. And we have to be okay giving 60% or 80%. You will have “off days” and that’s okay. Being a mom is hard! We should stop pretending that we all have it together. It doesn’t serve us and it does not make other moms feel supported.
- [20:30] Acknowledge & accept that it’s okay if you want to go to work and enjoy having time away from your kids. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. Keep in mind why you do what you do.
- [21:15] What is most important is the quality of time that we spend with our kids, not the quantity.
- [22:54] You don’t want to end up resenting your child because you didn’t do the things you wanted to do while you were raising your children. Too many moms come to see me after their children leave home (as they should) and they feel lost in their life. I hear so many moms saying they don’t know who they are outside of being a mom.
- [25:13] Build up your resilience and do not engage in feeling shame or guilt for wanting to do things outside of being a mom. Sometimes we become more resilient by pushing through the hard things that hurt our hearts.
- [26:39] Give yourself time to adjust. It takes practice to let go of guilt.
- [27:39] Mommy guilt stems from feeling like we did something wrong or we are not good enough. You’re not doing anything wrong when you want time to yourself, or go to work, or when you want to spend time with adults.
- [29:29] Be okay with not loving everything about parenting. It’s not always fun. It’s hard!
- [30:22] We need to be accepting that we need adult time too and not everything should revolve around our kids. Kids who grow up feeling that everything revolves around them, usually grow up spoiled. Set limits with your kids without feeling guilty.
- [31:27] Mommy guilt is hard. You are not alone - everyone feels it. Don’t stay stuck and feel that you are a bad mom. If you are giving your child quality time, there is nothing to feel guilty for.